I'm officially a girl suffering from EDNOS.
Whoooooh, hear hear,huh?
Well,the thing is: On Thursday night there was a lecture in my school about eating disorders from a professional. Of course I had to go there. At first I was a bit sceptical, you know, there are too many so called professionals that claim to know oh so much about us..
But...geez...it was...amazing..and tough.
I found myself in each and everything she said. When there were the slides on the beamer with signs and typical behaviour of ana,mia and BE.....everything fit neatly to me.
Somehow I made me kinda grin, a really strange feeling went through me..and then... suddenly, my eyes almost got wet and it wa s like a spotlight was fixed on me,because I could see me in everything that was written on the slides...
Something has happened since this lecture,since then omething isnide me has changed. Maybe like.... I have finally fully accepted that I AM eating disorder a hundred percent. From time to time I used to tell myself stuff like " Oh c'mon! You're not as bad as other girls you know from the internet! They suffer way more! Look at you you little wannabe! You never ever even managed to fast a whole day or more! You are not underweight!" etc etc
Sorry that this is so short and not very detailed....
*digress*
The musical I saw with my grnadpa was great it is called "Hello Dolly" ,maybe you have heard of it? And on Dec 22nd I will see The Jungle Book as a ballet-I'm really looking forward to it :)
ANd..oh yes...this morning the scale said 54,2kilos!=)
I really though I would be less than 54,0kilos on Monday but....I guess I ate too many apples today :( Firstly I binged of bread and tofu and stuff,then I purged everything. But somehow I ended up eating too many apples so if I am unlucky (which I tend to be )I still had maybe 1000 calories today.
Fuck it. screwed up again.And it is all my bloody fault. 3inches away from the finish I stop running and turn away :C
Tomorrow night me and my family will be at an acquaintance's birthday. There will be food.Loads of it. Since there is my family I can not possiblybinge and eat anything unvegan,which is good=) But the thing is that there will be bread,of that I'm sure. And I don't know if I will be able to stick to salad etc the whole night. If I get bored, I eat. And since it is ta 50th birthday I guess there won't be so much entertainment for me,huh?
I wish you skinny thoughts for the weeekend !
xx,
minaralou
PS: I HAVE GOT PHOTOS!!! Not from the cosplay convention but rather some of me and my english major course,posing for the yearbok. Although I am incredibly unfotogen and don't really like andy pic 100% I'wll show u them,since I have no further current photos of me
Whoooooh, hear hear,huh?
Well,the thing is: On Thursday night there was a lecture in my school about eating disorders from a professional. Of course I had to go there. At first I was a bit sceptical, you know, there are too many so called professionals that claim to know oh so much about us..
But...geez...it was...amazing..and tough.
I found myself in each and everything she said. When there were the slides on the beamer with signs and typical behaviour of ana,mia and BE.....everything fit neatly to me.
Somehow I made me kinda grin, a really strange feeling went through me..and then... suddenly, my eyes almost got wet and it wa s like a spotlight was fixed on me,because I could see me in everything that was written on the slides...
Something has happened since this lecture,since then omething isnide me has changed. Maybe like.... I have finally fully accepted that I AM eating disorder a hundred percent. From time to time I used to tell myself stuff like " Oh c'mon! You're not as bad as other girls you know from the internet! They suffer way more! Look at you you little wannabe! You never ever even managed to fast a whole day or more! You are not underweight!" etc etc
Sorry that this is so short and not very detailed....
*digress*
The musical I saw with my grnadpa was great it is called "Hello Dolly" ,maybe you have heard of it? And on Dec 22nd I will see The Jungle Book as a ballet-I'm really looking forward to it :)
ANd..oh yes...this morning the scale said 54,2kilos!=)
I really though I would be less than 54,0kilos on Monday but....I guess I ate too many apples today :( Firstly I binged of bread and tofu and stuff,then I purged everything. But somehow I ended up eating too many apples so if I am unlucky (which I tend to be )I still had maybe 1000 calories today.
Fuck it. screwed up again.And it is all my bloody fault. 3inches away from the finish I stop running and turn away :C
Tomorrow night me and my family will be at an acquaintance's birthday. There will be food.Loads of it. Since there is my family I can not possiblybinge and eat anything unvegan,which is good=) But the thing is that there will be bread,of that I'm sure. And I don't know if I will be able to stick to salad etc the whole night. If I get bored, I eat. And since it is ta 50th birthday I guess there won't be so much entertainment for me,huh?
I wish you skinny thoughts for the weeekend !
xx,
minaralou
PS: I HAVE GOT PHOTOS!!! Not from the cosplay convention but rather some of me and my english major course,posing for the yearbok. Although I am incredibly unfotogen and don't really like andy pic 100% I'wll show u them,since I have no further current photos of me
1 Kommentar:
That sounds like a really interesting seminar. I wish I could have gone!!
Have an awesome weekend bunny!
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