Hmm....

This weekend I'm gonna make yome moneyyyy.....
love that babysitting family,they give me 10€ per hour ( they really got it,no need to feel bad :P) and it really is anything but exhausting or stuff. But here comes the disadvantage: The fridge. They always tell me to "ohhhh,eat whatever you wannnnnnnt sweet!" ....and temptation is almost irresistible :C
Oh course I can/could pruge but...hey..don't want the little boy(he is 6) to notice anything and I don't know if it is really worth it...I mean..what if not everything comes up again? And surely the lil boy will have his own thoughts if he sees me eating like a fat monster V.v

Plus, today I suddenly had once cm more on ym butt and thighs O.O AND my weight had shot up from 53,6 to 54,2 kilos
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON???
Yes, on Monday I had a binge but I vomited the hell out of me...I really gave my best... fuck you fate... but maybe....maybe.... it is just water or again food in my system? Last weekend I was suddenly 800grams lighter after I had been on the loo,you know?
Thanky to the birth controll pill I got my period on Monday so maybe that is why I am heavier(also the reason for the further cms???)
I'm going mad if my weight is not down to 53,5kilos on Friday morning and my measurements as they used to be...I want o be 53 or less on Christmas and start bloody 2010 by being max 52 kilo...
I want to feel happy and beautiful and thin when this year ends in order to celebrate the new year truely happy!!

Gosh....7 days of school left.... SEVEN dayyyyyys... and 3 exams...
english ( haha easy-peasy) maths ( arrrrrrrrgh HIDE ME!!) and french (uhm...we will see? the last time I did rather well...:))

I totally flunked chemistry..0 out of 15 points haha ( my oral makr is good enough and I will drop it next year anway so WHO CARES?! :P)
I had the best exam in Ethics (15/15 wow I'm such an ethic person,huh? rofl)
but only 9 in biology,my second major subject after english...feeling like looser though the average is 8,7points so it is not THAT bad but I would have expected better of me anyway :C
Just hope that I'm better than 8 points in physics and at least 12 in politics&economy...


Noooo I am SO NOT obsessed with school,right? <.<
I:need.holidays.NOW.
No motivation left,wanna hide in my bed and listen so audio books until next week Friday ;P
BUt wait,there is the babysitting this week and I want=need the money ..!

Cheer up honey,don't take life so serious I won't survive it anway!

Holy Shit!! :D

I mean that title word for word. (gosh sometimes I can be sooo funny....not! x3)
This morning I had to go the "lady's room" and spend about probably 5minutes on the loo and...ya know.. I took quite a big dumb.
Afterwards I ran upstairs very curious whether and how much weight I would have lost. I mean, if you can only go to the toilette once or twice a week and "empty yourself" there simply must be an amount x that stores on your body(=shows up on the scal) until you go to the loo?
Annnnnnnnd......
53.6kilos!
Oh yeah,baby!=)
Couldn't really believe my eyes when I saw that number and had to step on it a fe w times more...wow
That is what I call a shot in the arm,huh? Now I'm determined to reduce my permanent binge/purge sessions dramatically...basically the past 3-4 day consisted of stuffing my face with ANYTHING and throwing everything up.3-4 times a day.
Disgusting,I know :C

Also, I have some new measurementsfor you:
thighs 51cm (I never thought I would get ever under 52:)) and my butt is a further cm
smaller :95,7cm
WHOOP WHOOP
So,more than 2weeks left until Christmas and I am already under my goalweight for the 24th.
So why not set 52 as the new GW?
1,6kilos in about 16 days...is that managable withouth subsisting ony on water and cabbage soup?
I think it will be still okay if I don't reach it as long as I'm under 53kilos on the 24th.
Speaking of Christmas... do you guys already have any plans? Is there any specific ritual or meal you always it on Christmas? Will you give yourself some sort of free permission for the 24th to eat careless und joyfully everything you like? Or are u going to restrict and count precisely each adn every calorie consumed?
Please let me know how you are going to handle Christmas and the 2 days after it(don't you call it boxing day or sth.?)


Have a fabulous week!
xxx Minaralou

PS: Has anyone of you a good idea where I could upload the photos where they show up in their full height and not reduced or something?)

So that's it.

I'm officially a girl suffering from EDNOS.
Whoooooh, hear hear,huh?
Well,the thing is: On Thursday night there was a lecture in my school about eating disorders from a professional. Of course I had to go there. At first I was a bit sceptical, you know, there are too many so called professionals that claim to know oh so much about us..
But...geez...it was...amazing..and tough.
I found myself in each and everything she said. When there were the slides on the beamer with signs and typical behaviour of ana,mia and BE.....everything fit neatly to me.
Somehow I made me kinda grin, a really strange feeling went through me..and then... suddenly, my eyes almost got wet and it wa s like a spotlight was fixed on me,because I could see me in everything that was written on the slides...
Something has happened since this lecture,since then omething isnide me has changed. Maybe like.... I have finally fully accepted that I AM eating disorder a hundred percent. From time to time I used to tell myself stuff like " Oh c'mon! You're not as bad as other girls you know from the internet! They suffer way more! Look at you you little wannabe! You never ever even managed to fast a whole day or more! You are not underweight!" etc etc

Sorry that this is so short and not very detailed....

*digress*
The musical I saw with my grnadpa was great it is called "Hello Dolly" ,maybe you have heard of it? And on Dec 22nd I will see The Jungle Book as a ballet-I'm really looking forward to it :)
ANd..oh yes...this morning the scale said 54,2kilos!=)
I really though I would be less than 54,0kilos on Monday but....I guess I ate too many apples today :( Firstly I binged of bread and tofu and stuff,then I purged everything. But somehow I ended up eating too many apples so if I am unlucky (which I tend to be )I still had maybe 1000 calories today.
Fuck it. screwed up again.And it is all my bloody fault. 3inches away from the finish I stop running and turn away :C
Tomorrow night me and my family will be at an acquaintance's birthday. There will be food.Loads of it. Since there is my family I can not possiblybinge and eat anything unvegan,which is good=) But the thing is that there will be bread,of that I'm sure. And I don't know if I will be able to stick to salad etc the whole night. If I get bored, I eat. And since it is ta 50th birthday I guess there won't be so much entertainment for me,huh?

I wish you skinny thoughts for the weeekend !
xx,
minaralou

PS: I HAVE GOT PHOTOS!!! Not from the cosplay convention but rather some of me and my english major course,posing for the yearbok. Although I am incredibly unfotogen and don't really like andy pic 100% I'wll show u them,since I have no further current photos of me

Okay..that's definitely not nice,body! I resited temptation to binge on Christmas sweets and stayed a good girl with <800cals
Yup,you are.
My bottom has shrunk to about 91cm,my thighs are still 52,5cm *sigh*Don't you ever be so nasty again! :C
Do you guys know Advent calendars? In our family(though we are not thast religious) it is an old tradition to hang them up in the children's rooms. Yes I know I might be a bit to old for this but I just like them,because my Granny(+05 R.I.P) made them maybe 50 years agao adn they are just so pretty!!
My father:" God,what am I supposed to put into yours,you can't eat anything like the usual tiniy chocolate balls etc!"
Me:" Well, nevermind me! Just put some mandarines in it! Although....they won't fit in" :CMy father bought sweets! SWEETS (http://www-stud.uni-essen.de/~sdjafroe/izetit/projekte/36/10.jpg)and put them in.
As if I'm gonna eat sweets that aren't even sugar reduced or made with sweetener. Bleh, that is so mean! I know how good they taste but I bet each is about 20cals :S An absolute waste of calories! Sigh, he only meant it well after all.. Guess I'll give them to my little sister,that girl really needs to put on a little bit weight( aww, I used to be as skinny as a twig as well when I was her age damn puberty ;P

On Wednesday I'll be off at our local theatre with my beloved grandpa(he is 90 but his body seems to like 70 haha)...I think the play we will watch is called "kiss me Kate" so actually it is a musical,rightAnyway, no matter what we will be watching...I will thoroughly enjoy the time with him ♥
This afternoon I will also buy myself some ncie new shoes for winter :) I found some that I liked at last-took me ages!! Hopefully they are not already sold,that would be really lame *fingers crossed
Have a skinny week my lovelies!
xoxo,Minaralou