Marry me,Bella

Oh.my.gosh.
OH MY FUCKIN GOSH
NEW MOON
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

I.am.totall.ygobsmacked.
Lost for words.
That film really got me.
I am hyperventilating like...I dunno... a girlie
That movie. That.Moooooooooovie.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooosh
( as you can see I'm just losing my mind haha)
my hormones are boiling over, endorphines in my blood are blubbling like mad
too many hot guys,too much drama*comedy*tragic*love*happyness*tension
too much of everything!!!

On my way home I was giggling all the 15minutes on my bike.
Honestly, I'm behaving as I'm high

I am officially New Mooned

Sorry , atm I'm very poor in expressing myself. I'm just so overwhelmed.
Guss I'll be single for the rest of my life because my expectations in mean are now finally way too high.
Gonna spend the rest of my life drooling after vampires and werewolves

Tayler Lautner*squeal* the whole pack*squeal* Edward*squeal*
Alice*soooooo cuuuuuuuute*
Seriously, if there was New Moon in 3 D, I guess every female viewer would faint/ go completely crazy due to hormones dancing tango



awwwwwwwww,gotta calm down x3



PS: I almost EXPLODED during the film,because my bladder was so very full it almost exploded! Honestly! Right 10min after the film had astarted I had to pee so badly.... I felt like I was dying when there were about 5minutes of the film left...all the time I had tried to hold it in but when I started feeling really hot i though " ok, either you're gonna make yourself wet right now right here or you rush out NOW" off I was.
Sigh.
I felt so relieved, possibly the fastest *get out of seat-rush to toilette-rush back* ever

Gonna watch new Moon right now once again in english on kino.to
Yes I'm being illegal.I need this. I'm addicted you know; I can't help it :P

54,5 kilos!!

Yuppie,almost there,maybe I'll be able to get down to 53 until Christmas!? :D
Ugh,gotta do sooooo much over the weeekend....and I also intended to see New Moon but I don't know if there will be enough time-I really want to enjoy it ;)
Btw, we got out german exam bacl and I had the best one...but only 10/15 points. The average was 6-7 but 10 well... is only okay...but again I am better than that samart ass guy I mentioned before in my english class haha
Looking forward to reading all your blogs in a few minutes, I simply had no time whatsoever to keep myself in the loop :C (gosh you have to learn so fuckin much by heart for biology!!)

See you soon dears :D
Minaralou

Sophia ruins you spoke right from my soul ♥

"I can't live without the struggle, because without it, what else do I have?
I need it to keep me busy.

It's like a city i've created, all my own to defend.
I am Priam, and this is my Troy.
If it goes up in flames, then I go up in flames with it."

Thank you.

54,7kilos this morning.
Fingers crosse I keep on losing though I ate a hell lot of apples and mandarines today(and I am not ecaggerating!!). Actually,apart from about400g of stewed paprica,courgette,champignons and eggplant(the pizza parlour, I stuck every piece in a serviette before I ate it in order to get the oil sucked up :P) I ate nothing but madarines and apples.
At least it is healthy and will go like *this* in another day if it really was too much (maybe 900-1000cals all together? only 250 of them are the veggies,no you see how many a's and m's I ate haha)

Speaking of Sophia.There was this girl, mystic angel, who really made me bloody angry! So mystic angel....atm I somehow can't comment on Sophia's blog ,so this is for you:

HOW DARE YOU TO BE SO FUCKIN RUDE TO HER??? Hope you have a miserable week Fugly! >.<

Skinny bitch ,Peri? Only because of the alcohol!

Whooooops,
yesterday I got reaaaaaally drunk.A few glasses of champagne and half a glass of something's name I don't know but it had 40% I think that says all....
Two guys of the technic group and a friend of one of them and I got drunk at the boy called Felix' house.The other technic guy's name is Daniel,the friend of Felix is THE boy Mentioned once before-Nikki.
We talked very much about everything and nothing while getting tipsy and then drunk.Poor Nikki had to much and vomited in the bin in the end. He stayed over at Felx' so it was not that bad. Felx was pretty relaxed about the whole thing(guess why ...%%%%%% haha)
All in one it was a nice time,but I am soooo glad I managed to get home safely on my bike with NO LIGHT( yes I am reckless shame on me...I have been promising myself to ge tmy light checked for aaaaages...) All the way long I kept muttering to myself "concentrate concentra!! ok,beware...now you have got to turn left beware of any cars....(it was 2.30 AM)
God was I drunk haha
Now I know pretty much all of Nikki's sex life hahah...and all three of them think I am attractive..wohhooo? nahhh...they are all nice but..nope nothing further.I need some really hot guys to think of me as attractive! :P
Together with all the alcohol I guess I had 800cals yesterday... And this morning the scale said 54,5kilos! :D:D

Yes I know...nothing but water loss... blehhh don't spoil the moment!!! xD
Gonna tell you in the next post about how the " Minaralou and step sister bake a birthday cake" story went. There is gonna be blood,lots of chocolate,frustration and laughs ;P

xxx,
Minaralou


EDIT: HO am I supposed to survive this day? I went to bed at 3AM,got up at half past 9. Did some homework,did my sideline job(1hr),had a shower and was busy in the kitchen from1PM until half past five .I am so-fuckin-tired. No I have got to head of to the last theatre performance....be bored 1 1/2 hours until the play is finished....head off with everyone to the pizza parlour and be probably back at about midnight or later...6hrs and I feel like crashing to sleep right now. Today won't be as good..gonna probably end up having had 800cals..I would hate to see the number go up tomorrow :C

too much to do

Didn't any one say long time ago that we should recover on weekends? My weekend is going to anything but restful or realxing.... I just came home and have to go in less than an hour back to the theatre performance.Gonna be back aboutmidnight or so...Saturday: Gotta do my sideline job( appr. 1 1/2 hrs), bake a cake with my stepsister (gonna take 3hrs) and then head right off to the last thetre performance again.After that: Pizza.
And somewhere in between I have to learn for Ethics,Arts and Biology...gooooooooood there is sooooo much to learn for biology..we must know so much by heart -.- And OH YES
I almost forgot....there are french vocabs and reagular homeworks waiting to be done as well...
Weekends are definitely wayyyyy too short!!

By the way: This morning the scale smiled and said 55.1kilos =)

xoxo,
Minaralou *off to read all your blogs*

Small cry of joy

WHAM
I am the best in my english course!
I HAVE THE BEST FUCKING MARK OF ALL!
13/15( A-) points,ther average was 8,7points and my mistakeindex is 0.69.
:D

Of course I am not satisfied.If it comes to english I am only satisfied if I reach 15/15points. But anyway, I am better than htis stupid guy in my course who used to be in America for a certain time and always is like "ohhhh, I don not have to learn any voocabs I ALREADY KNOOOOOW THEM!" fuck you.
mwahahahaha oh joyful schadenfreude how sweet you taste
xD

And in French I scored 11/15 points which equals a B- I am sooo glad...I really thought I had screwed it up and would not get 10 points but here we go teehee


Saturday night the wholöe theatre group will be out for dinner in a pizza parlour...hmm... I simply have have something low cal I can order,no restaurant has nowadays nothing low cal to offer,right??!

Wish you a fabulous weekend darlings!!

Thanx for the sweet comment Peri ♥♥♥

really stressed out -.-

Rahhhhhhhhhh!

Right know I am really pissed. I almos skipped school today because I just felt like it was not worth it...then I convinced me to go because we were supposed to get handed back our english exam...want to have my 15/15 point or at least 13.Anything under it and I am a complete failure that is totally incompetent referring to the english language! BUt what happened`My english teacher

IS NOT THERE (that's why I can blog atm)

SODDING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!

...........................................calm down calm down calm down!!

Guess what? I binged yesterday after dinner... I fought so long and thought I had won and then WHAM.

Ate 800g of tofu with soe mustard and soy sauce and pickles. And some cookies ..fuck

In the end I ended up in my room puking my guts out. But I am pretty sure I did not manage to get everything out.... This morning the scal said 55.8kilos... until Friday or maybe I should say Saturday? Losing 800 grams in 3days seems really achivable..I will try my best to lose as much as possible until Friday

I am such a fuckin greedy bitch,no wonder I never know if the weight my scale says is correct or if there about ahlf a kilo just food that is still in my body because I eat like 2 kilos of food everyday but still manage to stay under 800cals.

Same old story.

This mornign In sat in Ethics and just thought that I wa sabout to burst in teas. It just felt like it. Why do I tend to get so very depressed these days?

This is not me. I am the strong one.The farouche one. Nothing can break me. I protect everyone when they are not able.

As if....atm I seem to be as fragile as a small tiny bird baby. I hate it.must.be.strong.

Weakness makes you vulnerable.

*mental leap*

On SAturday I will bake with my stepsister a birthday cake for her mother = my *half mother*=my father's partner

This cake looks really fantastic and I really love to create things=cook/bake

And I won't eat a bite of it because it is full of cream,milk and eggs ;P

When I asked C.whether she would like this cake for her birthday she was really delighted but then suddenly went:

" But...oh! You cannot eat that,right?" " Uhm.yes? It is okay." " BUt would not it be better if you made one you can also eat?" " Uhm..no.No,it really is okay for me.I want to bake THIS one becuase it looks really great.Don't worry about me!" :D

Suppose I'll happily munch on a carrot or some pickles while watching them eating my creation(in cooperation with my step sister of course ;))

Next Monday we will go to a pizza parlour to celebrate her birthday. But I do not have to worry since we already went there on my father's birthday and I know that there are some safe things I can eat =)

Now I understand how Anise is feeling. I also want to crawl into a nest and just stay in bed. The world and life is just too much for me.

Wish you all the best!!

xxx,Minaralou

I just had the.biggest.craving.ever.
for everything that makes you fat,because it is full of sugar and fat and carbs and calories of course!
Sometimes I just feel lika a drug addicted person on withdrawal...it is such a horrible feeling!
Like a massive pull that overwhlems me. There are only few times I can overpower it =(
It feels just so insane,reall y as if I was craving for herione or something like that. I guess it kinda is... I'm on withdrawal of terrible non vegan food and all the chemicals it has in it-because it makes you get rather slightly addicted.
That's the reason why people hardly can stop after eating a hand full of crisps but always have to finish the whole bag.
And whose fault is all the trouble? Food Inc.
Gaaah...... must.resist.
!!!
I have been craving since 2PM and until now I have not run off hectically to the next supermarket an bought all that horrbile stuff to eat it secretly and throw it up a bit later because actually I can not bear it to keep such terrible stuff in my body but at the same time I also hate myself for giving in once again to something I really oppse.

Just wanted to share my thoughts with you.

Love you honeys,
minaralou

7 things

Do boys even deserve us-we do so much for them!...

Just thought you might like this one =)

Gaaaahhh....I'm a bit drunk.
Today was the second performing day and all these guys who were responsible for the technics(spots ,sounds etc) or at least the older ones kept drinking and drinking and offering me permanently something.I just took some tiny sips because I really did not want to be tipsy before the performance was finished. But after that we(the theatre girls) went into a bar and I had a wodka lemon drink. So in the end I had about 2 or 3 glasses of champangne and 1 wodka lemon and ...wooohhh... I feel reallllly tipsy O_o
It has been wayyyy too long since I got drunk ,my body is really anything but used to it.
One of the technic guys ask me to give him my number...gave it to him...I am not!! interested,he is totally not what I consider as "my type" but he is nice.
Should I have told him right from the beginning when he asked that he is not my type or is it okay that I gave him my number although I am not interested?
Btw, when we went into this shisha bar we had to show them our IDs because you have to be over 18. As you know I am only 17. I handed them my ID,the woman looked at it and said "okay." WTF???=D
Even if you only attended primary school you shoudl be able to count,right? Anyway...good for me :P

Sorry I am really tipsy,just wanted to leave you a quick note!

Love,
Minaralou

PREMIERE!!

Today we had our staging and altough it is Friday 13th it was reeeeeally great!! Everyone played really good,of course there where some faults but I think no one recognised but us haha
I was so high by koffeine I had drunk during the performance my hand were shaky and I was soo nervous although my taks was to just coordinate ale the requisites etc.
After the performance was finished everyone talked about celebrating in a club..grmpfh now that is a reason I ca not wait turning 18. I could not join them (although I was really tempted!) because I always have to inform my father before I go anywhere and tell him when I will presumably back,with whom I'm on the move etc etc... It is okay because I know he just worries but this time it was really très dommage! But still,there are 3 perfomrong days left and the girls are planning to celebrate on every day so I guess I'll still be able to celebrate with them and maybe get a bit drunk (just realised that the last time I was drunk was about Februaryish O_o weird how time flies by!!)
I would really like to get drunk once again :P But of course alc=cals so the next days we perform I'll either fast or eat nothing a a few madarines.

Awww, tomorrow will be so terribly full of stuff I have got to do!! Gotta do my sideline for I did not do it today(was way to exhausted after I came home fo scholl an 4PM..my head jsut felt like it was about to burst..way too much information I have to deal with lately...could use a igger head xD) And on Monday I have my Hostory exam,Thursday Politics&Economy and Friday Spanish...greeeeeeat And ,oh yes!!! I have lots of homwork to do as well ._.* grmph!
But I'll manage it..somhow! Have to.
by the way: Today was English exam day it can honestly say
I TOTALLY ROCKED IT! :D:D
It was soo easy...I wrote way too much- almost 900words the average of my coursemates amoutn was about 400 or so. I just though when I wa sahlf finished thaty I might have wirten not enough and so I went on and on,m y hands flying over the paper. The exam was about shorts stories. I should tell what kind of narrator is used in the story,characterise the two main protagonists,examine to what extent there are characteristics of a short story in the story and write an apology letter (from the two girlswho had bullied another girl really terribly,in the end she tried to kill herself by turning on all the stove in the Home Economics room!:C).

Please lovelies,
whish me all your luck and success you can afford! I really need it to survive successfully all the oncoming exames and performing days :)
Not I have to say goodbye because I must read all your nice blogs :D

Many kisses and hugs!!

I read at someone's blog, that she is going to restrict in carbs. I think that is a really good idea since all kind of cookies,biscuits and other fattening Christmas stuff is full of cars.

So... NO CARBS as in bread,pasta,Christmas bakery/sweets etc until 31.December2009.

No *bad* carbs for the rest of the year (*good* ones as in veggies are allowed of course!)

Anyone with me? =)

Sorry, have nothing further interesting to tell you :(

Ah yes: my father told me yesterday that my face looks really thin..but I don't think I should be concerned,since he immediately asked "You have grown a bit or something,right?":)

"Uhm,yes..probably...but maybe it is just because I'm getting even paler now that it is about to turn winter,huh?"

I checked whether I really might have grown....nope :(

Furthermore,I decided to call *my* doctor tomorrow of the day after tomorrow and tell her that I would like to make an appointment for my period did not come for 3,4 months

....or do you think I shoudl wait until December? Grmph, I am so unsure !

Have a nice week!
xoxo Minaralou

Melancholy

I just informed myself about being an Au-Pair in England and language holidays in England.
The prices are way too high for me....at least 1100€ for about 14days. How should manage to get so much money in a few months(would love to go to England in the summer holidays)???My father can't pay,it is way too expensive...fuck I hate it that we don't have much money :'(
And the way to become an Au-Apair seems awfully complicated,hard and elaborate...I think I'll never be able to do all this stuff right and get a nice host family..
In short: Looks like all this amounts to that it will be almost impossible to emigrate to England someday.
I'm getting really depressed,because everything seems so pointless....I have been wanting to go to England for almost 5 years and never managed it...looks like life wants to torture me deliberately :C
Sorry for being so whiney it is just that I seem to be really sensitive atm...I just feel as if I am going to be a complete failure..I won't get my graduation (Abitur),be fat und ugly forever,never be able to be really happy
Now all that I have got to do is not binge because of all that melancholy that overwhlems me right now.

PS: Even if the content does not fit to my situtation I think this is a rather beautifully sad song.

Wow, it is really hard to *binge* if all you eat is veggies and fruits.
After one week of <500cals per day I decided to call today refeed day. And altough I have the feeling that I pretty much let myself go and ate reaally much I only *managed* to eat about max. 1150 calories. O_o
I didn't take my vitamine pill today and ate an amazing amount of veggies/fruits instead. So today was really healthy,refeeding but still not a high cal day (if I were normal..)
I learned all day(well actually only from 1PM till 5PM because I slept so long) different stuff by heart. Spanish vocab,english vocab and mountains/regions/rivers of France.
Tomorrow I'll be a bit sporty by delivering the rest of the magazines,so hopefully that will make up the refeed tonight.
At the moment I'm feeling a bit weird,because I drank 1,5litres of cola light and though I'm full of coffeine I feel kinda dizzy and tired....I think I'll call it a day
Sleep well!

Beautiful melancholy

Am I not pretty enough? Shit, I just found this song. It is so amazing,so beautiful and sad. I lvoe it.... *cries her eyes out*
Oh,maybe you should start watch ComunityChannel's vids on youtube in order to make yourself abit happier after this sad song. This girl natalie is just soooo bloody funny. I LOVE all her vids. Really.You MUST watch her videos.Otherwise you really missed something.

Oh Body you nasty treacherous thing ..

Losing 1kilo within just two days is pretty much impossible,even with a calorie intake of 350-500cals. My body tries to deceive me. It wants to trick me by losing so much weight in such a short time so I get careless and eat too much. GOTTCHA! -.-

Anyway,I'm down to 55,3kilos again. My goal to be under 54kg until Chirstmas appears to be pretty much achievable :) If I reach it within the next 2 weeks (only if my body keeps on dropping ridicuouls amounts of weight), I will have to set myself a new GW...wow I kinda feel excited though I really should not "coutn my chickens before they are hatched" ..

Anyway girls, I wish you the most tremendous amount of determination,strength,will power success and luck in the world to cope better with this awful season that tries anything to make us fat and unhappy!

Love,
Minaralou

EDIT:
HOLY CRAP! I just had THE BIGGEST nose bleed ever!! OK,not really, I remember a day a few months ago all of a sudden my nose started bleeding like hell and would not stop for what felt like an eternity. It looked really horrible and I had to keep my head down the sink for many minutes.My whole family was pretty shocked and all "oh my god!!"

And the same thing happend a few minutes ago. I simply blew my nose(it did not! blew *too hard* just normal) and I felt the blood coming. It would not stop for about 5minutes,big drops of blood falling down my noseWith my hands covering my nose I ran upstairs to our sink in the kitchen. No cold cloth in the neck helped,neither cold water in my nose. It really looked kinda blood bath O_o But here comes one kinda weird thing:
Is it crazy,scary that I was/am rather fascinated by my blood?I just looked really stunned down the metallic sink and watched my blood and its beautiful colour..such a deep red..wow
Ok,now I sound scary.

I lost a follower..ouch,that hurts :C
But I guess it's life saying:
"Put more effort into your blogging,get more interesting and successful!"
I'm gonna weigh myself on Saturday or Sunday,depends on when I'm *empty* in order to see the damage I caused with my terrible eating. Then I'll see if my goal to be 54,0kilos and not a pound more(rather less!) is achievable. It should,no MUST be!
Had about 500cals today
..
would have been 800 if I had not thrown up the 200g tofu I stupidly ate after dinner...dunno why, it just got offer me..you know me..I have this soft spo for tofu*grmph*
I think the taking supplements thing really works for me =)
I don't feel as exhausted,tired and powerless during school as I used to when I ate nothing the whole day.
But today I ate an apple in the break before my german exam started.Let's hope the fructose helped me ;)

xx
Minaralou

Just to make sure you guys out there don't forget me...

At the moment i feel like shit.I slept pretty awfully last night...overwhelmed by a sudden wave of anxiety,feeling worthless and fat(well I binged the past days so...)
...and decided on a new plan.I counted the days until Christmas and multiplied them with 100,because I expect that will be average amount of grams I will lose from now on.
I shall not allow myself any food until dinner.I shall survive school and the rest of the day until meal time by drinking lots of water and taking my supplements.
There is now excuse to eat,for it only makes me fatter=unhappier
If I have to be a loser and fail a Maths(maybe even Physics and Chemistry...we'll see?) which is 100% sure at least I can lose weight. And be a good student in all the other subjects.
Just to save a tiny bit of my sense of self-worth.
Today I started by getting 13/15 points in my French vocab test and 14/15 points in my Politics&Economy test. And I will try my best for tomorrow's German exam,even if we were handed hardly any stuff to prepare ourselves for this.
Fuck it, I'll devote myself completely to being in touch with you,reading your lovely blofs and studyying,studiying,studying. I even managed to organise myself a private tuition from a friend of mine who's got Maths as an intensive course,so there is still hope I'll do better in the 2nd exam.
How was you Halloween? Mine wasn't. It literally did not happen.Just a normal day except for the part when four or five times our bell rang but my father refused to open. " This stupid Halloween stuff,this is just soo annyong and ridiculous!!"
And I honestly have to agree.This poor version of Halloween IN germany just sucks. Either you do it right (like in America and UK) or you simply don't do it anyway.
Gosh I am sooo looking forward to going to UK for one year as as Au-pair after I have graduated.
Celebrating Halloween properly at last is only one thing I'll love about this stay.

Sorry,have nothing interesting to tell you today but
Hell yeah I really trying my best to behave like a proper anagirl

xxx,
Minaralou